Reading Response on Ashes by Susan Beth Pfeffer

Eli Hecht 802

Reading Response on Ashes by Susan Beth Pfeffer

“I stood over the teapot and stared sat the money. Mom's emergency money. Her earthquake money. Her Martian money. Ten Andrew Jacksons stared right back at me. They offered me no advice on what I should do.”  Susan Beth Pfeffer's short story, Ashes, is the story of Ashleigh, or Ashes and her struggle to choose between her divorced parents.  In the story, Ashes' father asks her to steal from her mother to pay off a debt.  Through Ashes' relationship with her parents, Susan Beth Pfeffer shows the struggles of teens to make decisions that may impact their lives

Throughout the story, Ashes faces the dilemma of choosing between her parents and their attempts to gain her affection.  For example, when describing her mom, Ashes say that, “she's the most practical person I know, always putting aside for a rainy day.  With Mom, there are a lot of rainy days and she takes a grim sort of pleasure in being ready for them.”  I feel that even though her mom is never mentioned as being fun in the story, it's clear that Ashes knows that her mother will always be prepared and ready for anything giving Ashes a feeling of security.  On the other hand, Ashes' dad makes Ashes feel special and wanted.  Throughout the story, Ashes father calls her a “One-in-a-million-girl.”  The first couple of times he says it, it seems sincere, but after he asks her to take a couple hundred dollars from her mother, every time he calls her “One-in-a-million,” it seems like he's just trying to coax her into stealing the money.  I think that the father believes the more he makes her feel special, the more she'll love him and in the end, the more Ashes will be willing to steal for him or do other favors when he needs it.   Both of Ashes parents try to make Ashes love them, and want her to understand their point of view.

After her parents' divorce, Ashes struggles with loyalties between her parents, especially when they disparage each other..  Ashes' mom is said to often describe the dad as “an irresponsible bum.”  I think that Ashes' mom was incredibly hurt by Ashes' father and because of this tries to get Ashes to see his flaws.  She feels a need for the emotional support of Ashes and she hopes to achieve this by speaking negatively of her father.  On the contrary, Ashes' dad claims that he has more to give than her mom.  In the story, Ashes recalls him saying, “All I can give you is dreams, Ashes … But one good dream  is worth a thousand flashlight batteries.”  The father's cruelty to the mother's readiness angers me because the father doesn't follow through with his promises.  In this quote, the father was able to both give Ashes false expectations and put down Ashes' mom.  With very little communication or interaction, both of Ashes' parents find ways to fight for her affection.

Further more, Ashes uses the environment she perceives to show her feelings towards her parents.  At the beginning of the story, Ashes claims that, “it felt like every time I saw my father, the sun cast off just a littler more warmth than it had the day before.” The description of the weather when Ashes sees her father made me realize that Ashes only sees what she wants to.  To fulfill her desire for him to be stable,  Ashes imagines that the environment around her father is steady and that he provides her with warmth, as we all want our parents to do.  However in the quote it is unclear whether the weather is only nicer in her imagination, and that Ashes is feeling what she wants to.  Similarly, towards the end, when Ashes is entering her apartment, still deciding whether or not she'll steal the money, she states that, “It always felt a little colder when Mom wasn't there.”  I was surprised at this quote because it was the first time Ashes expressed a positive feeling towards her mother.  For much of the story, her mother is portrayed very adversely, but in this quote it is finally clear that Ashes understands that her mother will keep her from unwanted feelings.  From these two quotes I understood that Ashes sees her father as occasional warmth while her mother is her protection from cold.  Her father is unreliable but when he comes through he gives Ashes pleasure, as opposed to his mother who keeps Ashes feeling secure.

In Ashes, the idea that teens have a hard time being decisive is shown using Ashes, her parents, and their influence on her.  This story and the message it teaches connects to me personally, especially currently going through the high school application process.  There is a lot of pressure that many of my peers and I are facing, coming from other students, teachers and most of all parents.  I feel that many others in the same situation as me empathize with Ashes in that no child wants to disappoint their parents, but sometimes we feel that the decision we're making isn't honest with ourselves.  In the end when Ashes makes her decision she is by herself but looking for advice or anything to help her.  This story has an important message to teens that they should take advice and help from others, but in the end the decisions we make should be our own.